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Vodka Review: Aristocrat Royal by

Rating
0 out of 5 shots
Bang For The Buck
0 out of 5 shots
User Rating
3.0000 out of 5 shots
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Average Price
$6.28 per 750 mL / See By State / You add a price you've seen if you join VodkaBuzz.
Percent Alcohol
40
Distilled From
Grain
Produced By
Heaven Hill Distilleries INC
Cap Type
Plastic Screw On

Written on the Bottle

Made from 100% grain neutral spirits.

Review

I'm afraid right now. Seriously.

Aristocrat is the staple of underage drinkers, frat parties, and alcoholics, because stores might as well be giving it away the price is so low. Bottom shelf is an understatement. I don't think bars use this for well anymore.

I'm already sick to my stomach.

The Shot

I take a deep breath and drink. The taste is neutral at first. That may have something to do with it sitting in the back of the freezer for several days. Suddenly, I can feel my mouth start to dry out and the bitterness creeps across my tongue. Not willing to search for flavor any longer, I swallow. There's the rub. The swallow burns and the bitter after taste makes my face contort. The bitterness seems to grow to fill my entire mouth until I drink my chaser. My stomach already feels queazy.

The Mixed Drink

I mixed the Aristocrat with white grape pomegranate juice, which is usually pretty good at masking the flavor. Aristocrat ruins the taste. The juice tastes spoiled, like it had been left in the hot sun until it started to ferment, then chilled for serving.

Opinions

I was only able to talk one person into drinking Aristocrat with me for this review. Erin absolutely refused. I didn't want to put my mom through it. Daniel agreed to put his body on the line, but he couldn't make it to the tasting. He said something about Easter and family. I know the truth.

Aristocrat wasn't as horrible as I remember it. Of course, if I got plastered on it and woke up with the trademark massive hangover, I'd probably vomit at the smell. Years later, it's still a totally shit vodka, but the old college associations are gone. As I said earlier, this vodka is great for frat parties and alcoholics. It's cheap and readily available, even at non-ABC stores. The logo claims this is a truly fine vodka. If that wasn't subjective, someone would sue for false advertisement. Unless this site requires it, this will be the last time I drink Aristocrat unless I am tricked into it.

Comments On Aristocrat Royal

  1. Nancy said on Jun 29, 2009 at 5:35 pm...

    I wish I had read your review before buying a cheap bottle of this poison. I'm 58 years old and I honestly don't remember getting anything this bad, even in college. I just wanted a little vodka to mix with some fruit juice and didn't want to waste the good stuff. My advice...waste the good stuff. (or keep some mouthwash handy)

    Reply to This

  2. Robert said on Jun 30, 2009 at 1:08 pm...

    @Nancy: Oops! I wish you had, too! Next time you go out for vodka, I highly suggest the following depending on what you're going for:

    Sobieski is probably the best bang for your buck. It's very smooth and neutral tasting. I've seen it for about $10 - $13 here in Birmingham, but you may be able to find it cheaper if you're in a state without a government alcohol monopoly. Don't let the price fool you, though. Sobieski is a great vodka.

    Tito's Handmade Vodka costs a bit more, but it still won't break the bank. It's about $20 for a bottle around here, but I've heard of it going for $16. My mom is about your age and she loves Tito's. It's a very neutral vodka, and you'll probably find yourself mixing pretty strong drinks with it by accident because it mixes really, really well. Tito's is one of my favorites, but it's not as readily available here as other vodkas.

    Finally, Svedka is in the middle of Tito's and Sobieski. It's smooth and neutral. Around here, it goes for about $13. It's roughly on par with Sobieski in my book, but it has a little less flavor, probably due to the geographic location of the distillers.

    Better luck next time! Maybe you can clean your floor with the rest of the Aristocrat ;)

    Reply to This

  3. ehhhh said on Jan 21, 2012 at 12:28 am...

    ummm... fuckin nasty. but after a few sips you wont even care. best if drank while listening to the one and only Miles Davis. not that he has anything to do with this but it makes it bearable...

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