Aristocrat Royal

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Aristocrat Royal is a 40% ABV vodka from the United States. The vodka is produced by Heaven Hill Distilleries INC. The quality is considered to be ok. The average price is around $8.14 per 750mL. Rated 2 out of 5 based on 18 reviews.

The bottle states the following:

Made from 100% grain neutral spirits.

Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review

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I’m afraid right now. Seriously.

Aristocrat is the staple of underage drinkers, frat parties, and alcoholics, because stores might as well be giving it away the price is so low. Bottom shelf is an understatement. I don’t think bars use this for well anymore.

I’m already sick to my stomach.

The Shot

I take a deep breath and drink. The taste is neutral at first. That may have something to do with it sitting in the back of the freezer for several days. Suddenly, I can feel my mouth start to dry out and the bitterness creeps across my tongue. Not willing to search for flavor any longer, I swallow. There’s the rub. The swallow burns and the bitter after taste makes my face contort. The bitterness seems to grow to fill my entire mouth until I drink my chaser. My stomach already feels queazy.

The Mixed Drink

I mixed the Aristocrat with white grape pomegranate juice, which is usually pretty good at masking the flavor. Aristocrat ruins the taste. The juice tastes spoiled, like it had been left in the hot sun until it started to ferment, then chilled for serving.

Opinions

I was only able to talk one person into drinking Aristocrat with me for this review. Erin absolutely refused. I didn’t want to put my mom through it. Daniel agreed to put his body on the line, but he couldn’t make it to the tasting. He said something about Easter and family. I know the truth.

Aristocrat wasn’t as horrible as I remember it. Of course, if I got plastered on it and woke up with the trademark massive hangover, I’d probably vomit at the smell. Years later, it’s still a totally shit vodka, but the old college associations are gone. As I said earlier, this vodka is great for frat parties and alcoholics. It’s cheap and readily available, even at non-ABC stores. The logo claims this is a truly fine vodka. If that wasn’t subjective, someone would sue for false advertisement. Unless this site requires it, this will be the last time I drink Aristocrat unless I am tricked into it.

Rated 0 out of 5.

Robert Brodrecht

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Vladimir Putin

    No Rating

    I love this vodka, I drink it everyday. My friend Svetlana loves it too. Most times it causes a blackout and or unprotected unintentional sex but those are the dangers we face living as hardcore alcoholics. I recommend buying it by the case and mixing it with sugar free kool aide or drinking it straight right from the freezer whilst eating dollar menu cheeseburgers from Burger King

    Vladimir Putin

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By VODKA YUM

    No Rating

    Aristocrat is simply – Vodka. Do not be fooled with all the marketing that goes into any type of liquor/spirit. The bottle, the label……..all marketing and wanting the consumer to think differently. Prodcuts are made cheaply for many reasons – ingredients, where, the labor to produce……etc. Think of it as clothing – just because it has a simple branded emblem does not make it betterand that is the same behind Aristokrat Vodka and other brands, Drink Aristocrat – chill it or mix it – it is all the same and produces the same results. Aristocrat fan for years. ( and yes have tried many others – there is no difference with BASIC vodka and even gin, don’t be fooled by the fancy bottle or label.

    VODKA YUM

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Thom

    No Rating

    As an alcoholic I must say, aristocrat is a truly fine vodka. Cheap, 100% grain neutral spirits! What more could you want! The taste is similar to paint thinner, but with a sweet, chalky after taste that lingers long after the burn of your wild turkey chaser has become a distant memory.
    If I was to describe an aristocrat blackout, I would liken it to senator’s club whiskey or perhaps drain-o. While the length and intensity of the blackout may be more intense, it’s simply lacking the homey, full bodied feeling you get after blacking out on a fine Cabernet. As a go-for-broke drinker, this is of no concern to me, but it may be an issue to a more casual alcoholic.
    In conclusion, aristocrat is a fine beverage and more than worth you’re money. Perhaps smirnoff or even skyy have a more “tolerable” flavor, If you’re looking for a way to quickly kick back a few double shots and let the sting help you forget about alimony payments, then you can’t do better. Cheers!

    Thom

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Swagger

    No Rating

    I’ve never had a vodka as bad as this one. This is the LAST RESORT. If you buy this you only care about getting wasted and spending the less amount of money. Don’t ever get this vodka unless you HAVE to. I suggest if you really have to consider in buying this drink in not drinking at all or getting the most sugary drink you can find to mix it with. Good luck.

    Swagger

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Aaron

    No Rating

    It “works” but is not that enjoyable I recommend seagrams vodka for a balance of price and taste. And of that is too steep as well try Brunettes’

    Aaron

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Hoagie

    No Rating

    Best to buy a round to fuck with your friends. It is for a good laugh.

    Hoagie

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By ivan grimaldo

    No Rating

    Haha i sneak this into lollapalooza every year. Its cheap ,the bottles are small and it will get the job done. I think i will continue with this “tradition” for years to come, oh yeah it tastes like crap and i usually mix it with sweet leaf tea which doesn’t help at all.

    ivan grimaldo

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By hermann

    No Rating

    Mein freund kaufen Aristocrat vodka für mich im Peking für ein geschenkt. Es ist billig aber schlect und ist gleich isopropyl alcohol. Spären dein gelt und verkauf etwas besser.

    (Editor’s note: I think this roughly translates, “My friend bought Aristocrat for me in Beijing. It’s cheap but it’s bad, equal to isopropyl alcohol. Save your money and buy something better.”)

    hermann

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Al

    No Rating

    Never drink this without a mixer, it will sure mess you up. I’ve been mixing it without mango juice, it is not bad, gives me the buzz.

    Al

    Reply

    • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Al

      I meant with mango juice… man, this shit gives strong buzz, see what happened there…

      Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Gretchen

    No Rating

    Vodka is Vodka, I work at a bar and have tasted every vodka that there is., Aristocrat taste the same as any other vodka no matter the price.

    Gretchen

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Cj

    No Rating

    Tasted like rubbing alcohol

    Cj

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Luv vodka

    No Rating

    When you are on a single income and want a buzz, Aristocrat will not let you down!!!guarunteed!,,,

    Luv vodka

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By count Voo

    No Rating

    Aristocrat Royal Vodka is a top notch vodka at a bottom dollar price.
    Only Gray Goose excels it for pure taste and smoothness.

    count Voo

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Horace Slughorn

    No Rating

    Never have I tasted a finer serum than this exquisite beverage. It is a wondrous concoction of spice and taste, tingling the farthest reaches of the the consumers palette. It is so fine that some say it flows straight from the heavens above flowing down like Spring’s first rain. I would not only recommend this, but I would go as far as to say that anyone who’s lips have not been graced by the touch of this sleek drink, may wallow forever in their misery for what they have missed.

    Horace Slughorn

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Likeavirgin

    No Rating

    Just started with booze again. This vodka gets the most bang for the buck. I don.t drunk just maintain my buzz. It ain’t half bad, taste like most house brand booze.
    Your a snob if you rank on this stuff to hard. I do recommend ice cold to drink it straight. Mix with cola or koolaid. 5 stars for a value buzz

    Likeavirgin

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By ehhhh

    No Rating

    ummm… fuckin nasty. but after a few sips you wont even care. best if drank while listening to the one and only Miles Davis. not that he has anything to do with this but it makes it bearable…

    ehhhh

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By ehhhh

    No Rating

    ummm… fuckin nasty. but after a few sips you wont even care. best if drank while listening to the ond and only Miles Davis. not that he has anything to do with this but it makes it bearable…

    ehhhh

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Nancy

    No Rating

    I wish I had read your review before buying a cheap bottle of this poison. I’m 58 years old and I honestly don’t remember getting anything this bad, even in college. I just wanted a little vodka to mix with some fruit juice and didn’t want to waste the good stuff. My advice…waste the good stuff. (or keep some mouthwash handy)

    Nancy

    Reply

    • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Robert

      @Nancy: Oops! I wish you had, too! Next time you go out for vodka, I highly suggest the following depending on what you’re going for:

      Sobieski is probably the best bang for your buck. It’s very smooth and neutral tasting. I’ve seen it for about $10 – $13 here in Birmingham, but you may be able to find it cheaper if you’re in a state without a government alcohol monopoly. Don’t let the price fool you, though. Sobieski is a great vodka.

      Tito’s Handmade Vodka costs a bit more, but it still won’t break the bank. It’s about $20 for a bottle around here, but I’ve heard of it going for $16. My mom is about your age and she loves Tito’s. It’s a very neutral vodka, and you’ll probably find yourself mixing pretty strong drinks with it by accident because it mixes really, really well. Tito’s is one of my favorites, but it’s not as readily available here as other vodkas.

      Finally, Svedka is in the middle of Tito’s and Sobieski. It’s smooth and neutral. Around here, it goes for about $13. It’s roughly on par with Sobieski in my book, but it has a little less flavor, probably due to the geographic location of the distillers.

      Better luck next time! Maybe you can clean your floor with the rest of the Aristocrat ;)

      Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Yoleberry

    No Rating

    As a vodka drinker who has tasted every kind of vodka there is I can’t tell the difference in the cheap stuff and the top shelf. I can tell the difference in whisky brandy scotch ect. Am I the only one like this when it comes to vodka. I have been drinking about a pint a day for fifty years.

    Yoleberry

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By ActionxJack5on

    No Rating

    Please save your money. This so called “vodka” is a disgrace to the vodka name. It’s as if you are drinking rubbing alcohol…which would probably be better.

    ActionxJack5on

    Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Cleveland75

    No Rating

    Not horrible. You get what you pay for.
    Ive had better vodka, but not for the price.
    People comparing it to rubbing alcohol obviously never had the misfortune of tasting rubbing alcohol.
    Gives a good buzz, never had a hangover with it.
    I prefer whiskey – but for $9 bucks I can’t get decent Whiskey – But I can get Vodka that I can drink straight when chilled. 4 shots every few hours – & its a good day.

    Cleveland75

    Reply

    • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Nick

      For $9 you can get old Crow. Very decent bourbon.

      Reply

  • Aristocrat Royal Vodka Review By Sheka

    No Rating

    I’ve been drinking this vodka for about 3 months now. It not bad as far as getting a buzz, but you most defiantly would want to mix it with something. But last night, the upper part of my stomach started burning really bad and hurting. I don’t have any idea why. So, I did some research, and they said that the wrong type of vodka can eat the lining off of your stomach. I don’t think that’s what’s going on with me, but I never felt like that before I began drinking this vodka. So please people, if anyone else have these same problems, please post it so the company can see that their product is messing people up.

    Sheka

    Reply

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